Oliverisms

I can read faster when I'm reading in my own head.

Oliverisms

Oliver wanted to get rid of his cat today. I said "no Oliver, this is a lesson on responsibility. What if I wanted to get rid of you?" Oliver replied after a moment of thought, "that's fine, as long as you drop me off somewhere nice".

Oliverism of the day

"Popcorn isn't really a treat though is it? Isn't it a little healthy for you?"

2009 Holidays

Our first white Christmas in a very long time.  20 years?  Snow and a lot of it. 

Plus, Oliver's first viewing of "The Christmas Story" which will surely not be his last.  What ever happened to the 24 hour showings of "It's a Wonderful Life"?

Today's Oliverism

Oliver told me that he doesn't know how to "text" but he could do it if he knew how.  He said his stuffed puppy knows how to text but he can't do it because his paws are too big.

She Rolled 100,000 Today

The girl rolled 100,000 today.  Just getting broken in.  And just to think I almost caused a major accident while trying to take a photo of the odometer while going down 301 at 65mph...

The Mystery Machine

I can't get enough of this mystery machine in Easton.  And even more odd is that it is driven by a middle-aged woman cashier at the Acme.

High Stress Job

Please God, get me out of here.  Wasn't I supposed to accomplish something in this life?  Please don't stare up my nose too long.

Fall, Again

I used to love the fall colors and the crisp air until I moved into a highly foliaged subdivision that requires leaf pickup.

Fall, Again

I used to love the fall colors and the crisp air until I moved into a highly foliaged subdivision that requires leaf pickup.

Halloween 2009

I think holidays these days can be a little contrived and disconnected from our modern-day lives.  I think 50 or 60 years ago halloween was special because you got to go door to door and get little candy treats.  But today I don't think a day goes by that my kids don't get a treat of some sort.  Perhaps in the depression a mint or chocolate (heaven forbid) was hard to come by but nowadays halloween is really just an excuse to put on a costume.  And isn't halloween supposed to be scary?  Witches, goblins and ghosts?  I see more ninja turtles, Hannah Montanas and ballerinas than anything even remotely scary.  What's up with that?  And why even say "trick"? Has anyone ever said 'no, I'm not going to give you candy so trick me'?  I don't know, I think we really need to rethink some of these holidays and perhaps come up with something better.  We should just call October 31st 'Disney Day' whereby everyone can dress up like Tinkerbell or Aladdin and make a pilgrimage to Mecca Orlando.

Oliver Can Read?

Oliver wanted to play a game today that involved reading small playing-size cards.  He asked me if I could read and I said "not too good".  He thought about it for a moment and said, "that might be a problem, I can read but only in my own head and you might not understand..."

 

"I can't read too good"

Amelia's Birthday Week 2009

Amelia turned 7 this week and we're working on our third party for her.  She had the "friend" party for her school mates last Friday, her party with immediate family yesterday and now her third party with relatives tonight.  Poor child, I can only remember having one party when I was a kid.

IHOP can't touch this birthday stack

Oh, she also had a party at school, so I guess this really makes 4 parties :)

It's hard to believe that she is 7 now.  A little gymnast, she goes two or three times a week and is doing really well.  I figure by the time the 2016 Olympics comes around we'll get to go to Chicago Rio de Janeiro :)

Big Lebowski Best Quotes

The Dude:

• Nice marmot
• Careful man, there's a beverage here
• This aggression will not stand, man
• That rug really tied the room together

Walter Sobchak:

• This is not Nam, this is bowling, there are rules
• You're entering a world of pain
• I did not watch my buddies die face down in the mud...
• Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature
• You want a toe? I can get you a toe... hell, I can get you a toe by three o'clock this afternoon, with nail polish

Stories from the R-Files: Vol II, No 1

I stayed in scouts much longer than I should have when I was a teenager. All of my friends except for one (Eric Reeves - or Sleeves, as I liked to call him), left scouting when it was no longer cool: around age 12. I stayed in until I was 18 so I could earn my Eagle Scout badge. When I was 12 years old I decided my penultimate goal would be to enter into the Naval Academy and become a pilot-hero who would travel the world and defeat communism. Funny, how at age 33 now I hate to fly and am a communist :) Anyway, to achieve this goal I went against my shy and backwards grain to play sports, keep on the honor roll, earn the school citizenship award every year and attain my Eagle badge. Unfortunately, and akin to the character of Dwayne's ultimate plight in Little Miss Sunshine, I learned that I was ineligible for entry to the Academy because I had asthma through age 13 (the cutoff was 12). My dream was crushed and I eventually had to come around to being proud of the means to my end rather than the end itself.

Nonetheless, my scouting memories are some of the most bizarre moments I have held in my memory banks. During the summer of my sophomore year of high school, our scoutmaster foolishly decided to send the troop to one of what the BSA calls their "High Adventure Camps." This one in particular was the High Seas Adventure located in the Florida Keys. The Boy Scouts own a small 5- or 6-acre island off of Big Key, near Islamorada, Florida. Of course we had images of a tropical paradise where we could kick back, do some hiking and enjoy pristine white-sand beaches in the Caribbean and sip on our smuggled miniatures of Jack Daniels. In reality the island was a befouled wasteland given to the BSA by the Exxon Corporation in the late seventies. Apparently, a massive oil spill had occurred there and Exxon was forced to purchase the island and clean it up. After clean-up they donated it to the Boy Scouts. As our boat pulled up onto the beach, I quickly realized that Exxon did a horrendous job. The "beach" was no beach at all, but rather a gooey, mucky mess of blackened wood pulp, oil and sand fleas. A slurry from hell. I had worked on a farm since I was 13 and this beach looked like a pile of dried cow manure after a storm and then had been heated up in a 100 degree day with 100% humidity. A steamy, smelly mess. All 11 of us stared in horror as the boat pulled up and we literally had to be pushed off the boat. My legs sunk up to my knees in this compost as hundreds of sand fleas jumped onto my arms, neck and face. Wyatt Campbell began crying. I knew that after this 10-day excursion was over, I would be more of a man than anyone who came out of the Naval Academy.

I was the senior patrol leader for this lovely vacation so I pretended I was a field sergeant pushing his troops forward towards enemy lines in battle. For this was indeed a war. We reached the treeline beyond the 100 feet or so of infested black beach and all fell to the ground, wondering how we would survive 10-days in this horrible place. It is funny, but looking back I envision this scene in my head in black-and-white, just like an old WWII movie. There was blood and tears, sweat and fear.

After we regrouped and realized this wasn't a joke, I told the troops to set up camp and prepare for dinner. Since the ground was a wet muck and our feet sank almost a foot into this earth we had to gather driftwood planks in order to set our tents upon. The quickest of us found the smoothest logs while the fat and lazy were left with barky, prickly sticks that slit holes in the bottom of the nylon fabrics and were sure to present a restless night's sleep. We then fashioned a latrine about 20 feet up into a coconut palm tree with a seating station and a hole which dropped waste down into a pit dug into the ground below. To this day, I'm not sure if I came up with the idea or if someone told us to do this for good reason. I don't know why we would do such a thing. As one might expect this idea was disastrous, you can imagine what might happen with such a situation, especially late at night when people are wandering around. Our first night we were all so depressed we chose to go to sleep without dinner. All 12 of our JD miniatures were also consumed this first night...

to be continued after lunch today probably.


Websites I visited today:
Scout Island - Florida (Cuba)
Little Miss Sunshine

Today's High Score

A Treatise on Mind Rot

(Or, "A Testament to Loafiness").

I sit at my desk
Am I working? Not Really
I stare at my screen

Out in the tan shed
A Kegerator with beer
I am almost drunk

On top of my shelf
Cracked jug of hummingbird food
Now I have maggots

White shiny new boots
Clamped by zippers up the side
Just what ladies love

________________________
Places I visited today:
Wikipedia - Haiku
Haiku Society of America

Where the Magic Happens

My office, where I will come up with the brilliant quips that will make this web log the most popular on the Internet. Notice how I use the term "web log" instead of blog. Despite the chaotic appearance of my work area, I am a very anal purist, especially concerning language. I hate slang, and yes, blog is slang for web log. My wife, an English teacher, tells me that there is nothing wrong with slang and that such new terms and shortened versions of words are just part of a natural evolution of language. Well, I'm a hardliner I suppose.

Anyway, on my walls you will see most of my heroes: Don Adams (of Get Smart fame), Che Guevara, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Rene DesCartes, Soren Kierkegaard, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Jon Voight. Oh, and various pictures of my children.

Finally Here

Well, I've pondered the value of creating my own blog based on a list of advantages and disadvantages:

• Aren't these a little egocentric? (-)
• Who cares about my thoughts? Do I even care? (-)
• Will this open my world up for more criticism? (-)
• Journaling is a valuable creative tool. (+)
• I can easily keep my family and friends updated. (+)
• I like fiddling with new technologies (especially while I'm sitting at my desk at work and bored). (+)

As you can see, my pros and cons are equal, and therefore I had always thought there would be no value to starting a web log. However, after reading a few blogs today that were recommended at the Arts & Letters Daily website, I discovered that blogs do not have to be poorly written tidbits of someone's mundane life: high-school breakups, Quiet Riot fan sites, jumbles of family reunion photos, etc.

So as of today, I have decided to give extra weighting factors to the latter three pros that I mention above - which gives value to the idea of creating a blog. Further, I enjoy writing (actually I think I may prefer typing over writing, but the need is fulfilled either way) and this pastime would be good practice.

I don't care whether anyone ever visits this site to read my words, but if you do - please take it easy on me, I'm quite fragile :) I'm excited to write my first post and see what happens...